Ach mensch es ist so schrecklich. Gestern war einfach kein guter Tag. :( Vormittags rief mich eine Freundin an und bat mich sie in die Notaufnahme zu bringen da sie Schmerzen im Brustbereich hatte. Ich fuhr dann auch so schnell wie moeglich los, aber da rief sich mich an und sagte, dass die FHV-Leiterin sie bringen konnte und auch die Zeit hatte bei ihr zu bleiben. Sie verbrachte also den restlichen Tag im Krankenhaus und es wurden viele Tests durchgefuehrt, aber so wie es aussieht war es nur eine Reaktion auf ein neues Medikament das sie bekommen hatte. Ich hatte abends ein Casting und dann meine Klasse und bekam eine SMS von ihr das es ihr eben gut ginge. Ich schrieb zurueck und fragte was es denn gewesen war und sie mir wieder, dass sie mich spaeter anrufen wuerde da der kleine Sohn unserer einen Freundin verstorben war. Ich konnte das gar nicht glauben und fassen und hoffte die ganze Zeit, dass sie sich einfach nur vertippt hatte. Selbstverstaendlich konnte ich mich dann nur noch schwer auf meine Klasse konzentrieren und ich machte mir riesige Gedanken um meine Freundin und die Familie die gerade ihr Baby verloren hatten. :(
Ich kam erst ziemlich spaet nach Hause und erst um kurz nach 23.00 Uhr rief mich meine Freundin zurueck. Sie erzaehlte mir, dass der Vater den kleinen zum Mittagsschlaefchen hingelegt hatte und er hat sich dann wohl auf seinen Bauch/ Gesicht gedreht und bisher ist die Vermutung das er erstickt ist. Er hatte eine Erkaeltung aber sonst war er gesund. Wie furchtbar das doch alles ist. Ich kann mir ziemlich gut vorstellen wie es den jungen Eltern jetzt gehen muss. Meine groesste Angst ist es eines meiner Kinder zu verlieren.
Natuerlich haben wir einen gewissen Trost da wir durch unsere Kirche und unseren Glauben schon wissen, dass es ein Wiedersehen geben wird, aber trotzdem ist das etwas was man nur schwer verarbeiten kann. :(
Als ich vor 2 Jahren bei meiner Familie in Deutschland war, waere Nathan auch einmal fast erstickt da ich vergessen hatte das Babyfon anzustellen und er sich unter seiner dicken Winterdecke verhaspelt hatte. Ich war ausgegangen und Mama hat (zum Glueck) irgendwann mal nachgesehen und hoerte ihn sehr leise und unterdrueckt weinen. Er war schon richtig aufgeloest, voellig verschwitzt und konnte sich nur schwer wieder beruhigen. Ich fuehlte mich so schrecklich als ich nach Hause kam.
Was tut mir meine Freundin und dessen Familie leid. Ich moechte ihr so gerne helfen, aber ein gebrochenes Herz kann man nicht heilen. Seit gestern Abend bin ich selbstverstaendlich sehr emotionell denn auch mich nimmt das sehr mit und ich weiss, dass es meinen anderen Freundinnen ebenfalls so geht.
Ich bin so muede vom vielen weinen und davon das ich letzte Nacht kaum geschlafen habe weil ich so viel gruebeln musste. Es tut mir in der Seele weh. Meine Freundin und ihr Mann haben schon so viele Pruefungen hinter sich. Er ist schon seit einiger Zeit arbeitslos, sie haben bei ihm einen Gehirntumor festgestellt. Er hatte bereits eine OP wird naechste Woche aber noch einmal operiert werden muessen und jetzt stirbt auch noch das Baby. :(
Es ist alles so unfair und dann denke ich doch immer wieder, dass ich ja so selbstsuechtig bin da ich wirklich hoffe und bete, dass uns das nicht passieren wird.
Ich bin einfach so unendlich dankbar fuer die Kinder die ich habe. Ich liebe meine Jungs ueber alles und moechte sie auf keinen Fall wieder hergeben muessen.
Dann bekam ich heute wieder eine e-mail von meiner Mutter das es meiner Cousine (die zur Zeit wegen einer schlimmen Bauchspeicheldruesenentzuendung auf der Intensivstation liegt, alles direkt nach der Geburt ihres Babys) etwas schlechter geht. Sie hat jetzt auch noch Probleme mit dem Herzen und somit sorgen wir uns auch um sie.
Ausserdem liegt eine Freundin von mir in einer Spezialklinik ebenfalls in ernster Angelegenheit. Sie haben einen Pneumothorax und mittlerweile hat sich herausgestellt, dass sie ein Loch in der Lunge hat mit Eiter. So auch ihr geht es gar nicht gut und es sieht ernst aus.
Im Moment scheint es wirklich wieder von allen Seiten zu kommen. Natuerlich schliesse ich alle in meine Gebete mit ein und hoffe, dass es bald wieder bergauf geht.
Trösten ist eine Kunst des Herzens. Sie besteht oft nur darin, liebevoll zu schweigen und schweigend mitzuleiden.Otto von Leixner (von Grünberg)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Tuesday February 9th 2010...
I have been thinking a lot today and it all had to do with my faith and beliefs. I actually watched a nice interview about our church but then you come across interviews/ reports about the Mormon church that aren't nice at all.
I have been wondering about this so many times but I just don't understand why people do that. I mean what do they get out of it by bashing a church they don't know enough about? I am trying to be a very tolerant person and I try to accept others the way they are, but I also expect them to do the same for me. Usually if someone wants to attack/ criticize or bash the Mormon church it doesn't take them long to find stuff they can use. I just think it is very interesting how they interview people who might not be active anymore and have had some kind of bad experience with other people within the church or they felt they were forced to do things, well I have news for you. Nobody is perfect. You will find people who do mistakes in our church or anywhere else in the world. We make mistakes and we learn from them. That's how it should go, right? So why does it matter so much when someone who is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints does something wrong? We are humans just as people in a catholic church or any religion or non religion! Why can't we just accept the way we are and be nice to each other even though we might not believe the same things?
Why do people have to tell lies and spread dirty rumors about my church instead of just really asking how it is?
And why do people even care what's going on in a different church? I thought it was the funniest thing when I heard for the first time that people got actually offended about a cross infront of a church or on a hill or something like that. Why do they care? If you don't believe in it why bother making a big deal about it? Nobody forces them to look at it if they don't like it. It just doesn't make sense to me whatsoever.
Those questions bug me and I try to figure out why people do that. I do understand it to a point because it is easier to believe things that are negative then the positive things because for the positive things we want proof, right?
I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints my whole life. I never felt forced in any way and I like the rules/ commandments we have. I know many people in the world think we have all those strict rules and can't really decide for ourselves. Well guess what, that's crap. I can still choose what I want to do. I still have my free agency. There might be consequences in one way or another but consequences are everywhere in life. And to be honest I feel free from a lot of things. Because of my beliefs I don't have to worry about getting addicted to cigarettes, coffee or alcohol. I don't see that as an restriction. I like it. I hate the smell of cigarettes, I don't like the coffee smell either and the same with alcohol. I see it as a blessing because I know I will never be drunk and that I won't remember what happened the night before and I can always drive. :)
I have had people ask me "how I could have fun at parties without drinking alcohol". Well I usually stay away from parties where alcohol is involved just because I don't like to be around people who change to a different person when drunk. I know not everyone is like that but I just don't feel comfortable in those suroundings. But that doesn't stop me from having fun. I've been to plenty of parties without alcohol and I have thrown plenty of parties myself. We have plenty of fun. I still have a dry sense of humor even though I am sober. ;) Besides if you can only have fun after getting wasted then there is something seriously wrong with this picture.
All this is just my own opinion. It is how I feel about those things for myself. If you enjoy alcohol that's fine with me. I am not trying to change others I am just trying to explain why some things are the way they are.
When it came to Prop 8 I was shocked about the outcome afterwards. I think it is very interesting that because people had chosen to vote with yes they were bashed and everything else. Again I try to tolerate others and their ideas and beliefs but that doesn't stop me from making my own decisions and chosing/ voting the way I think is right for me and my family. Our church got bashed and called racists and such, but why? We were just taking up our right as everyone else did. It is always the sour loser who gets mad, but why? It doesn't have to be like that.
If a church like ours gets bashed so much it only shows me I am doing the right thing. Why else would anybody feel the need to attack and bash?
I am grateful that I know that God lives and that I have a real purpose in life. I am grateful that I have so many friends even though they might not share my beliefs. We can still be friends and like each other even though we go to a different church. It all has to do with our attitude. We decide how we feel and what we choose and believe. It's always up to us. I choose to stand up for something I believe is right for me. But that might not be right for others so what?
I want a better world. I want people to be more willing to accept others the way they are. I also want people to understand that nobody is perfect. Members of our church make mistakes just as others do too. Why to judge a whole church by mistakes of individuals?
Life is so wonderful and I am grateful that I am here on earth for a reason. I know I have to learn many more things and I still have a lot of trials ahead of me too. But would we appreciate all the wonderful things in life if we didn't have opposition? So yeah thinking about it now makes me realize that I am grateful that people give me and my church a hard time. Because it reminds my why I belief and that everything has a reason.
I have been wondering about this so many times but I just don't understand why people do that. I mean what do they get out of it by bashing a church they don't know enough about? I am trying to be a very tolerant person and I try to accept others the way they are, but I also expect them to do the same for me. Usually if someone wants to attack/ criticize or bash the Mormon church it doesn't take them long to find stuff they can use. I just think it is very interesting how they interview people who might not be active anymore and have had some kind of bad experience with other people within the church or they felt they were forced to do things, well I have news for you. Nobody is perfect. You will find people who do mistakes in our church or anywhere else in the world. We make mistakes and we learn from them. That's how it should go, right? So why does it matter so much when someone who is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints does something wrong? We are humans just as people in a catholic church or any religion or non religion! Why can't we just accept the way we are and be nice to each other even though we might not believe the same things?
Why do people have to tell lies and spread dirty rumors about my church instead of just really asking how it is?
And why do people even care what's going on in a different church? I thought it was the funniest thing when I heard for the first time that people got actually offended about a cross infront of a church or on a hill or something like that. Why do they care? If you don't believe in it why bother making a big deal about it? Nobody forces them to look at it if they don't like it. It just doesn't make sense to me whatsoever.
Those questions bug me and I try to figure out why people do that. I do understand it to a point because it is easier to believe things that are negative then the positive things because for the positive things we want proof, right?
I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints my whole life. I never felt forced in any way and I like the rules/ commandments we have. I know many people in the world think we have all those strict rules and can't really decide for ourselves. Well guess what, that's crap. I can still choose what I want to do. I still have my free agency. There might be consequences in one way or another but consequences are everywhere in life. And to be honest I feel free from a lot of things. Because of my beliefs I don't have to worry about getting addicted to cigarettes, coffee or alcohol. I don't see that as an restriction. I like it. I hate the smell of cigarettes, I don't like the coffee smell either and the same with alcohol. I see it as a blessing because I know I will never be drunk and that I won't remember what happened the night before and I can always drive. :)
I have had people ask me "how I could have fun at parties without drinking alcohol". Well I usually stay away from parties where alcohol is involved just because I don't like to be around people who change to a different person when drunk. I know not everyone is like that but I just don't feel comfortable in those suroundings. But that doesn't stop me from having fun. I've been to plenty of parties without alcohol and I have thrown plenty of parties myself. We have plenty of fun. I still have a dry sense of humor even though I am sober. ;) Besides if you can only have fun after getting wasted then there is something seriously wrong with this picture.
All this is just my own opinion. It is how I feel about those things for myself. If you enjoy alcohol that's fine with me. I am not trying to change others I am just trying to explain why some things are the way they are.
When it came to Prop 8 I was shocked about the outcome afterwards. I think it is very interesting that because people had chosen to vote with yes they were bashed and everything else. Again I try to tolerate others and their ideas and beliefs but that doesn't stop me from making my own decisions and chosing/ voting the way I think is right for me and my family. Our church got bashed and called racists and such, but why? We were just taking up our right as everyone else did. It is always the sour loser who gets mad, but why? It doesn't have to be like that.
If a church like ours gets bashed so much it only shows me I am doing the right thing. Why else would anybody feel the need to attack and bash?
I am grateful that I know that God lives and that I have a real purpose in life. I am grateful that I have so many friends even though they might not share my beliefs. We can still be friends and like each other even though we go to a different church. It all has to do with our attitude. We decide how we feel and what we choose and believe. It's always up to us. I choose to stand up for something I believe is right for me. But that might not be right for others so what?
I want a better world. I want people to be more willing to accept others the way they are. I also want people to understand that nobody is perfect. Members of our church make mistakes just as others do too. Why to judge a whole church by mistakes of individuals?
Life is so wonderful and I am grateful that I am here on earth for a reason. I know I have to learn many more things and I still have a lot of trials ahead of me too. But would we appreciate all the wonderful things in life if we didn't have opposition? So yeah thinking about it now makes me realize that I am grateful that people give me and my church a hard time. Because it reminds my why I belief and that everything has a reason.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Tuesday February 2nd...
How crazy is that? We have February already? It won't be long anymore and 2010 is over too. ;)
This morning was definitely crazy. My friend picked up Josh to take him to preschool. So I took him outside to put him in her car and left Nathan in the house. He was pretty mad that I wasn't taking him with, but I knew it wouldn't take long and he had no shoes on. As soon as I was done I went back to the house and the door was locked. Yep my 2 1/2 year old had locked the door. I heard him crying on and off but it was still more him being mad and as much as I tried to convince him to come back to the door to open it, he stayed away from the door stubborn as that little stinker is. ;) I also got Josh out of the car again hoping he could make him to open the door but nope that didn't do anything either. My friend April called then another friend who I thought still had a key from our house but she didn't answer her phone. I heard Nathan being upset on and off and considered calling Nick at work.
But then I thought maybe he can open our back door. So I went around the house and knocked on our patio door. He was playing with the phone right then but came running as soon as he saw me. After a few tries he was able to open that door and I was able to return into the house. ;) That child! Thinking about it later he probably didn't really realize that he had locked the door and was mad, that I wasn't coming back in.
Oh well life has to be crazy sometimes to take the boring out of it. ;) Note to myself, don't ever leave the house without a key in the pocket!!!!!! :D
Besides that situation everything is good. I had an audition yesterday and even though it was freaking me out and I was pretty nervous, it was good and I think I didn't do too bad. Sadly the scene I was doing was very funny but I still got a few chuckles out of people at one point so that is good. (I just wish I could show off my dry sense of humor more, but oh well.) I have another audition (for a studentfilm) on Thursday and so we will see how that goes. My nerves are definitely kicking my butt when it comes to castings and auditions but hey that makes the whole thing more exciting. :) Acting is just so much fun.
This morning was definitely crazy. My friend picked up Josh to take him to preschool. So I took him outside to put him in her car and left Nathan in the house. He was pretty mad that I wasn't taking him with, but I knew it wouldn't take long and he had no shoes on. As soon as I was done I went back to the house and the door was locked. Yep my 2 1/2 year old had locked the door. I heard him crying on and off but it was still more him being mad and as much as I tried to convince him to come back to the door to open it, he stayed away from the door stubborn as that little stinker is. ;) I also got Josh out of the car again hoping he could make him to open the door but nope that didn't do anything either. My friend April called then another friend who I thought still had a key from our house but she didn't answer her phone. I heard Nathan being upset on and off and considered calling Nick at work.
But then I thought maybe he can open our back door. So I went around the house and knocked on our patio door. He was playing with the phone right then but came running as soon as he saw me. After a few tries he was able to open that door and I was able to return into the house. ;) That child! Thinking about it later he probably didn't really realize that he had locked the door and was mad, that I wasn't coming back in.
Oh well life has to be crazy sometimes to take the boring out of it. ;) Note to myself, don't ever leave the house without a key in the pocket!!!!!! :D
Besides that situation everything is good. I had an audition yesterday and even though it was freaking me out and I was pretty nervous, it was good and I think I didn't do too bad. Sadly the scene I was doing was very funny but I still got a few chuckles out of people at one point so that is good. (I just wish I could show off my dry sense of humor more, but oh well.) I have another audition (for a studentfilm) on Thursday and so we will see how that goes. My nerves are definitely kicking my butt when it comes to castings and auditions but hey that makes the whole thing more exciting. :) Acting is just so much fun.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday January 27th 2010
Ich kann es einfach nicht glauben, dass der Januar jetzt schon wieder fast vorbei ist. Wo bleibt nur die Zeit? Josh geht gerne in den Kindergarten und geniesst die Zeit mit seinen Freunden aber auch das lernen sehr. Gestern hat er zum ersten mal Hausaufgaben mit nach Hause bekommen. Fand ich direkt niedlich. ;)
Jetzt am Freitag haben wir einen Termin mit der Albert Einstein Academy, eine deutsch/amerikanische Schule und selbstverstaendlich hoffen wir, dass er angenommen wird. Es kann fuer ihn doch nichts besseres geben als von Anfang an auch in der Schule mit beiden Sprachen heranzuwachsen. :) Umso groesser ist die Chance das er auch beide Sprachen beibehaelt und sich nicht irgendwann stur anstellt.
Jetzt am Freitag haben wir einen Termin mit der Albert Einstein Academy, eine deutsch/amerikanische Schule und selbstverstaendlich hoffen wir, dass er angenommen wird. Es kann fuer ihn doch nichts besseres geben als von Anfang an auch in der Schule mit beiden Sprachen heranzuwachsen. :) Umso groesser ist die Chance das er auch beide Sprachen beibehaelt und sich nicht irgendwann stur anstellt.
Nick hat jetzt seine letzte Klasse fuer sein MBA. Er haelt sich viel in der Bibliothek auf um zu lernen und versucht sich sehr darauf zu konzentrieren. Es ist natuerlich wieder eine Menge Stress fuer ihn, denn auch auf der Arbeit gibt es jede Menge zu tun, aber bald hat er es ja geschafft. Wir koennen es alle kaum noch abwarten.
Hier sind mal wieder ein paar Fotos von unseren Jungs samt Josie.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Tuesday January 12th... back at preschool
Today was Josh's first day back at preschool. It was kind of funny because we had to sign him up at a different one this time (the other one was full) and so when I started going a different direction he was getting really worried "Mama ich will doch zum Kindergarten... Mom I want to go to preschool". I told him that he would but that we had to go to a different place this time. It is quite a drive (well not really but compared to the last place it is) and so I dropped him off. He was a bit weirded out at first because the teachers are different too but he loved it.
Nathan freaked out though. He actually thinks that with screaming super loud he can change my mind. Well too bad for him but I am just as stubborn as he is. I would have liked to leave him there too but he is not old enough yet. ;)
But he had fun too. I went to the gym after I dropped Josh off and he got to stay in the "kids zone". It is almost like preschool too. So he had a blast and I did too because I was able to finally work out again and it felt so good. :)
Nick and I talked about it yesterday. I had been emotionally drained and stressed about different things the past few weeks and so I wasn't really a nice person towards my family. He actually told me to go back to feel better.
Nathan freaked out though. He actually thinks that with screaming super loud he can change my mind. Well too bad for him but I am just as stubborn as he is. I would have liked to leave him there too but he is not old enough yet. ;)
But he had fun too. I went to the gym after I dropped Josh off and he got to stay in the "kids zone". It is almost like preschool too. So he had a blast and I did too because I was able to finally work out again and it felt so good. :)
Nick and I talked about it yesterday. I had been emotionally drained and stressed about different things the past few weeks and so I wasn't really a nice person towards my family. He actually told me to go back to feel better.
Monday, January 4, 2010
3. Januar 2010 Montag...
Vielleicht spricht aus mir nur die Erkaeltung/ Krankheit aber es ueberrascht mich doch immer wieder von neuem, dass manche nur deine Freunde sind (und fuer dich da) wenn du das tust was sie wollen. Ich bin einfach so muede davon anderen hinter-her-zu-laufen und habe ehrlich gesagt keine Lust mehr dazu. :(
Bedeutet Freundschaft gar nichts mehr? Aber wie gesagt vermutlich sprechen durch mich die weinerlichen Krankheitshormone oder so.
Bedeutet Freundschaft gar nichts mehr? Aber wie gesagt vermutlich sprechen durch mich die weinerlichen Krankheitshormone oder so.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
2nd Christmas day in Germany... December 26th 2009
My thoughts are going crazy right now. I just finished my grandma's "book of life" or "a book of her life" and I am pretty touched and a bit sad too. It is such a wonderful and special gift to me because I do love my grandma very much and I have always been very close to her. She is going to be 75 years old on December 31 and reading all those stories about her and my loved one's makes me miss them.
My cousin and my grandma made this book together this year and they printed it too. It looks awesome and has so many wonderful pictures in there, some I haven't even seen before. I love it and it is definitely my most precious christmas gift. :)
One picture that made me pretty sad is of my grandpa. It is taken the day before he passed away (over 7 1/2 years ago) and I never saw it before. I was on my mission when he died and it was hard but I know I am going to see him again.
The last time I saw him was April 2nd 2002 (a month before he passed on). I came over to say good bye to him and my grandma before leaving for the MTC. I remember hugging him, starting to walk away (he had been very ill with cancer at that time) and when I turned back, I saw him crying. I never saw him crying before so that was so hard for me. Just writing about it makes me very emotional but I want to share with everyone how dear he was to me.
What a blessing it is to have the knowledge I have. I am so grateful that I know that I will see him (and my other grandpa as well) again. I am grateful that I have a wonderful family and in-law-family and that I know even when we die, we will be together again. Life isn't over after death and I know that I am a daughter of God. It isn't just that I learn that in church I feel it in my heart.
I had been feeling kind of depressed and disappointed today even a bit angry about things that happened in the past fewe weeks. But after reading my grandma's story I realized that none of these things really matter. What matters is, that I know that I have a wonderful family, that I know that God loves me and that he is there for me whenever I need him (especially during hard and tough times) and that I can do anything as long as I trust in the Lord and do my part.
Life is tough and trials are no fun, but they make us stronger in the end. I have to admit I miss my family like crazy right now but with this wonderful book I feel even more closer to each and one of them.
I am so grateful for the Christmas season when we get to reflect on those most important things in life and family is definitely one of it.
One of my favorite quotes say's it all: "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it!"
My cousin and my grandma made this book together this year and they printed it too. It looks awesome and has so many wonderful pictures in there, some I haven't even seen before. I love it and it is definitely my most precious christmas gift. :)
One picture that made me pretty sad is of my grandpa. It is taken the day before he passed away (over 7 1/2 years ago) and I never saw it before. I was on my mission when he died and it was hard but I know I am going to see him again.
The last time I saw him was April 2nd 2002 (a month before he passed on). I came over to say good bye to him and my grandma before leaving for the MTC. I remember hugging him, starting to walk away (he had been very ill with cancer at that time) and when I turned back, I saw him crying. I never saw him crying before so that was so hard for me. Just writing about it makes me very emotional but I want to share with everyone how dear he was to me.
What a blessing it is to have the knowledge I have. I am so grateful that I know that I will see him (and my other grandpa as well) again. I am grateful that I have a wonderful family and in-law-family and that I know even when we die, we will be together again. Life isn't over after death and I know that I am a daughter of God. It isn't just that I learn that in church I feel it in my heart.
I had been feeling kind of depressed and disappointed today even a bit angry about things that happened in the past fewe weeks. But after reading my grandma's story I realized that none of these things really matter. What matters is, that I know that I have a wonderful family, that I know that God loves me and that he is there for me whenever I need him (especially during hard and tough times) and that I can do anything as long as I trust in the Lord and do my part.
Life is tough and trials are no fun, but they make us stronger in the end. I have to admit I miss my family like crazy right now but with this wonderful book I feel even more closer to each and one of them.
I am so grateful for the Christmas season when we get to reflect on those most important things in life and family is definitely one of it.
One of my favorite quotes say's it all: "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it!"
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